England Trip Part 1: I would kill for a chips van on my street.

So this will be my "England/Paris Trip" post. It will probably take me a while, and as a result be written in pieces during the day, so it may not flow so well, but I'll try to maintain the narrative.

I landed at Heathrow at like 7:15 in the morning on Saturday, after an almost full day of work and a 6 hour flight. The best part of the flight was the little girl next to me who was coughing up one of her tiny lungs and crying whenever the flight attendants insisted she be put in her own seat. Her mother was nice enough though. Anyway I get off the plane and hop on the train to Paddington and meet up with Bao. Paddington station was fucking freezing, and the sun hadn't even come up yet. Good times. But I had a pasty! I miss British baked meat products. I don't remember what was in it, but it tasted good, and the place had a pirate on the sign.

So then we proceeded to walk down to Hyde Park, just because I had heard the name before, and Kensington Palace was there. So we took this really circuitous route past some big statues and Kensington Palace. Brian couldn't stop remarking on how small the palace was and how large the park was. Of course it didn't help that the sun hadn't come up yet and it was fucking freezing. Then I dragged him literally across the park to this "Christmas Festival" that they were advertising on some signs. Such a waste of time. It hadn't technically opened, but they were touting the "Largest Ice Rink in England". Or maybe it was London. Either way, the whole thing was just slightly bigger than my Japan apartment. Apparently ice rinks in England suck. Then we started walking and literally stumbled upon Buckingham Palace. Then, because we had no map and didn't realize we were doing everything wrong, we hopped on the underground and went to the Tower of London. We crossed the bridge and then walked back toward Big Ben and the Millenium Eye, which I thought was right next door, and it really wasn't. But the upside was we got to see a cute little market, and the Globe. The Globe giftshop really made Shakespeare cool. Big Ben was like any other famous landmark: You're really excited to see it, and then you take 50 pictures, and then you're thinking "OK, NEXT". I had wanted to go up in the Eye but the line was wrapped around itself like 50 times, and it was located in like four places, so I couldn't figure out which line was for what.

After seeing the big sights, we went to Picadilly Circus to eat at the Japan Center. My Japanese has gotten so rusty, it's sad. Then we walked up towards Oxford circus. It was actually really, really cool because they shut-down the street for Christmas shoppers, and they had performers on stilts and in costumes. They also gave out balloons, which children kept releasing. It took all my willpower not to grab one of them and scream "YOU JUST KILLED A DOLPHIN" not because i care so much about Dolphins, but because I like scaring young children into not being a burden on society. At this point I'm completely exhausted though, and the only things really left to do in London are to go to a museum, which I wasn't really feeling, so we go to Paddington station, pay an obscene amount of money to get new tickets because they can't just exchange them, and we're off to Oxford.

Once we get into Oxford, we go to Brian's apartment, which is actually pretty nice, I thought. It was a little rundown, and the communal areas needed a little help, but his room was really nice. I showered and we relaxed before dinner, which was nice. Then we headed off to this Pub called the Eagle and Child (it's also sometimes called the Bird and Baby, and Brian insists "Bird and Bastard" is also used but everyone else did not agree). I had bangers and mash! And a pint of beer. Not british beer, but it's fine. I got to meet Sayaka and Cathryn, who are both hysterical. I love British pubs so much, I wish we had more around here.

After dinner we went down to the St. Cross college bar, where I met Aneliegh (spell check) and Laura, who are also quite entertaining. Katja came later too, but I'll get to that. Anyway we start drinking the college wine and chatting, which is fun. Aneleigh brings out this box of really old books that Oxford is just getting rid of. They were from the 1800s, at least, and in several different languages. Only in Oxford do they have excess books in Latin and Greek. After about two bottles of wine and Katja coming to visit, I have the brilliant idea to play a drinking game. Brilliant of course being sarcastic. So we play 21, which is actually a really fun game that I won't explain here, and I get trashed, apparently. The end of the night is hazy due to my blacking out. Whoops!

From what I've figured out, I broke a glass in the bar, and then we went out to get a Kebab from the van. These vans are amazing! They only come out at night, but they sell kebabs and chips and they're amazing and fantastic. I miss them already. Then we get in the taxi, and apparently about 5 minutes from Brian's flat I start repeating "I'm going to be sick, I'm going to be sick" and Brian is very much "No you're not" so the taxi stops and I launch myself and spew in the bushes. Good times. It's about this time I lost my wallet, I think, but more on that later. Then Brian manages to drag me and the food up to the flat, and I throw up in the toilet. Then he puts me in the shower, where I again throw up, before FALLING DOWN. I have scrapes on my back and knee to prove it. And I would apparently not get up, either. Good times. Eventually I get into bed, clothed, and fall asleep.

This Giant post was just my first day in England. Craziness. But it was fun. The next day I was sick but not as sick as the blacking out and throwing up would have indicated. At about 5 I realize I've lost my wallet, which is suck-tastic, but luckily one of Brian's neighbors found it and I eventually got it back. I'll continue with the rest of my Oxford adventures in another post, and Paris will probably be it's own post as well. And some day I will get pictures up.

Heroes addendum

I did want to add two things to my previous post.

First, I actually love the actress that played Hiro's mommy. She was on Babylon 5 back in the day (50 coolness points to anyone who can name her character without cheating), and she was in something else that I cannot place at the moment but I enjoyed nonetheless. She was not given much to do other than sit there and look sick and kiss things, but I do enjoy her. Her name is Tamlyn Tomita. Big fan.

Second, if Hiro got lost in the past, where has he been the last 16 years? I actually think it could be cool if they meet an old Hiro who has maneuvered himself into a position of control over everything. Or at least influence. Although he probably got even fatter and owns a comic shop on the lower east side. (Is that a good or bad part of New York? I don't even know) Or it would have been cool if someone had had the thought process that "Hey, if Hiro hasn't shown up yet, maybe he got rescued!" And "Lost in Time" implies he is LOST in time, rather than just stuck in a known time period that isn't now. When I first saw that page I was expecting that Hiro was on the run, so he is constantly jumping from random time to random time. Or maybe even his power malfunctioned. But being stuck and being lost are not at all the same.

I just read an interview with Brian Fuller (creator of Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies, both excellent series if you haven't caught them. Used to be a writer on Heroes) and he was pointing out everything that's gone wrong with Heroes lately, and how he hopes to fix it. I do worship at the altar of Fuller, so I may have to retract my earlier statement and give him a chance to rescue the show. But seriously this show is like the patient that's been on life support so long you just know they'll come back and not be able to speak properly, making you wish you had taken them off of life support back when so you wouldn't have to suffer now.

Can I get a "Huh?" with that Heroes?

I was going to write a big long post all about my England/Paris trip before I got into my TV reviews, but Heroes was so fucking infuriating just now that I have to critique it right away. And I've decided as soon as this Villians arc is over I'm giving up on the damned show.

So, since the list is shorter, let's list the things I didn't hate:

Ok, now onto the things I did.

No, I joke. But the only thing I did like was Mama Petrelli giving Peter the gun and telling him to grow a pair. And Sylar being crazy and evil was kind of fun (even if his thought processes to get there made no sense whatsoever, but more on that later). And the marine was kind of hot, if you're into meatheads. I'm really scraping to come up with these things.

And let the critique begin. My biggest and most problematic issue with this episode was that the plot had GIANT, GAPING HOLES in it. Usually my problem is with just uninteresting writing, or bad acting (of which there was plenty in this episode) but never before have I just not understood an episode.

Problem 1: How the fuck did Papa Petrelli get back in time with Hiro and Claire? This isn't meant to be rhetorical or witty. I honestly do not understand how he could travel back in time to steal Hiro's time travel power in the first place. Is there another time traveler he stole from? Is that how he teleported all over the place? It might at least explain how he got to Africa so fucking fast a month ago. But this leads me back to the whole problem of there being 8 powers in the world. Powers in this game are apparently like one of those paper fortune tellers we made in school, where you pick two numbers and a color only to find out you have a crush on the fat girl. I could also buy that it was past Arthur who just happened to walk in at the right time, but then that wouldn't make sense with any of the rest of the story. Did he just take Hiro's power so Hiro wouldn't have it anymore? Then we are forced to ask again why he hasn't been stopping time this whole season. It just doesn't make any sense.

Problem 2: Every scene with Daphne, Matt, and Ando. If you saw the episode obviously I don't have to explain why this sucked so hard, but for giggles, lets provide a montage of some of my favorite lines:

• "You are being a good friend to Hiro, Nemesis." "well, it's my fault" "No, it's because it's right, and you're a good person".
  
• *cut to a view of Matt beating himself with a book*
• "OH NO. He's getting away! We have to go after him" "Boys, let me handle this"
  
• *cut to a view of Matt stabbing his ear with a pen*
  
• "Maybe it's not all bad. He can perfect the formula now" "That's right, we can have another time traveler. Maybe it's ME"
  
• *cut to a view of Matt turning off Heroes and vowing never to watch it again*

Sadly this last part didn't happen. I stayed until the end. And how was I rewarded? With Claire's whole subplot, or as I like to call it, Problem 3.

Problem 3: Claire, and everything in this show she's associated with except Noah, and frankly even Noah when he's around Claire because he becomes stupid. As anyone who has seen Bring it On: White Girl gets Hood (Thank you Justin) we all know the bitch can't act. But it's been my experience even a bad actor can make good material bearable (see: Keanu Reeves in The Matrix, Shia LeBouf in Transformers), which means this unbearable shit is really not all her fault. First issue: They're in New York City, and Mrs.Bennet (because I can't be bothered to learn her real name) just lets this little bitch into her flat, and alone with her daughter. I mean, she's blonde and well dressed in completely anachronistic clothing, so clearly she must be safe. If she was that black chick from last season, you know Sandra (HA! I remembered) would have pulled out the Mace. Which makes me realize how remarkably NOT diverse this cast is. And as an aside, I hate when people run about in Anacrhonistic clothing and no-one is ever "uhm dude you're dressed funny. Are you from the future?" They did it in Star Trek all the damn time. No one wears pajamas like that! If I ever see someone in an outfit that looks alright but has no place in my time period, my first guess is time travelers. Anyway, back to the Claire Debacle. So I approve of Noah walking in and being all "Who the hell are you?" but I don't like that she managed to talk him out of capping her so quickly. Granted she wouldn't have died anyway, but it would have been fantastic to watch him shoot her, and have her get up and be all "YOU'RE MY DADDY!!" That would have given the writers fodder to stretch out over the next two seasons. "The past You shot me because I was all sketchy and Single White Babysitter and I can never forgive you". And the whole conversation didn't leave a big enough imprint on Noah that when Claire grew up he was like "Have we met? Cause you look awfully familiar"? And please please please when will the bitch learn to fight? Your power is you can't get hurt. It's a fun party trick to cut off your hand and grow a new one, but really kind of USELESS in a fight against people who can do everything (which apparently is every 8th person with powers).

I would list the catalyst as problem number 4, but it's not so much. I really liked Hiro's mother, although she was kind of useless. If she's a healer, and they all know Linderman who was also a healer (it's one of the 8 powers, apparently) couldn't they have someone come and fix whatever was wrong with her? Was the catalyst killing her? Was the catalyst her power? Was it a gift from the aliens in Cocoon? Cause it certainly made people all glowy. And Arthur stole it and when he died, it died with him, was that it? Meh.

Other questions from the episode:
Where did Sylar get the bottle of lighter fluid?
How did he get back to civilization so damned fast?
How did Daphne CARRY Ando and Parkman?
What is Hiro's dad's power? (Ok, this one is kind of legitimate)
Why didn't Sylar steal the Hatian's power?
Why did Nathan switch sides so quickly?
Are all of these companies in the same place, thus explaining the ridiculous ease of travel between locations?
Did Sylar re-accelerate the bullet in order to make it kill Papa Petrelli? And why was the bullet spinning?
Will this show ever get good again?
Was my typing "this" as "shit" in the last question a Freudian slip?

I'm sure I had more issues with it, but those are the major ones. Or at least the most memorable ones. And I can't wait for tomorrow! YAY MORE SHIT.

Merry Christmas to yous

I have new respect for Walrus-kind

I can watch this over and over again.

Heroes Rant

After I read Adrik's comment, it reminded me how my biggest problem with the episode was how Ando is fucking FLUENT in English all of a sudden. No time passes, and suddenly he loses his accent completely and can translate without any difficulty? Right... I think this is an example of how English teaching has ruined my life. I seriously cannot listen to bad English and not experience eye-twitching. Although I can handle that better than people wearing their shoes on the bed. And another good point, why is Hiro even still alive? Is it because he's the son of George Takei? Is there some kind of oath he took?

And Daphne: "You don't KNOW me!" You only thiiiiiiiiiiiiink you do. And then she and her father hugged and made-up. I've decided that Daphne is actually still crippled, she just moves so fast you can't tell. So from now on instead of Flashette I'm going to call her Cripple.

The writing is just such shit. Oh, another annoyance. Who really thought Claire was dead? Her power is such a get out of jail free card. Although wow to the gore of her being open on the table like that. And for Sylar getting his throat slit. And boo to HRG for not being more creative and smashing his head in with a brick. God. The anger has clearly returned.

General update with rants/reviews

Warning now, this is going to be a whole wall-o-text post. First personal updates: Thanksgiving was last weekend. I cooked almost the whole thing myself, and everyone seemed to enjoy it. I've reached this unfortunate point in my life however where I no longer believe compliments from the people closest to me, because I feel like they have to say it. So whenever my parents say "good job" I instantly think "Uh huh, sure." The rest of the weekend was spent decorating for Christmas (pics to come eventually), with a short detour to help Dan move. Overall it was nice to have four days off, but the realization that this will be the first Christmas that I don't have a week off was fairly crushing. This week is just normal work, although I leave for England on Friday. I'm very excited and very nervous all at the same time. It's complicated, but I think it will be a really good time. And it will be nice to see Brian again.

Now, for TV. First we'll do Housewives. I really enjoy this show, especially Bree and Gaby. The whole Lynette storyline was stupid, and Susan I've just taken to ignoring. I think I like Mike and Kathrine together much more than Mike and Susan, mainly because I hate Susan. And then minor spoiler alert, although I reckon you could see it coming, Andrew finally has a serious boyfriend who he's not using to get back at his mom. How refreshing. Although it looks like next week they're bringing back the gays so we can have some lame "Was he in porn?" storyline. Bree will probably be funny, but I hate Chip and Dale or whatever the fuck their names are. Still think this show has recovered from the horrible mess that was the second season.

Brothers and Sisters was kind of blah overall. We all know how I feel about Kitty storylines, and Tommy is apparently back in town (Where the hell did he go? he has no power in the company. You know Holly just sent him away because she didn't like looking at his fat face.). Although the whole episode was saved by the hottest scene in prime time tv: Scotty saying how he knows all about carpentry stuff, and then WINKING. God, that was amazingly hot. It's really the only thing I remember from the episode, but it's a hell of a memory.

Oh Heroes. How sad is it that Heroes no longer motivates me enough to give it its own post? This week's episode didnt' so much make me angry as bored. And again, big time spoiler alerts here. Why did the eclipse last like three days, and then go away in five minutes? Also, the eclipse ending basically undid EVERYTHING that had been done in the last three episodes. Why did Sylar kill Elle exactly? Just for fun? To show he's *EVIL*? I did like Hiro popping in with his "BAD MAN" but then he dumped Sylar and Elle on a beach? I can think of many, many other places, namely a volcano. the whole Peter and Nathan storyline just didn't seem at ALL worthwhile, and we already know how I feel about Suresh. It's really a sign of the times that next week I'm not going to be around, and I'm just not bothered by it. Once upon a time I planned my week around this show and now I can't wait until the mid-season break so I can stop watching yet still have a convenient pick-up point if I ever decide to return to the show. Hopefully it gets canceled this season. Best line ever, however: "Now we know where Daphne gets her hairstyle: Ray" - Yay Justin.

Today I can't fake work because I actually have to do it. Blech. Off to load and make deliveries.